Love is taking risk. Feel the risk and do it anyway. – Ping Chu –
最近接受Elle 雜誌的專訪，希望我能在新的一年，分享有關愛的議題。我認為Elle 雜誌的立德先生問的問題很好。特地花了時間將我的回答附錄於後:
對你而言，愛是什麼？它如何影響你生活的意義和態度？
Love is to be able to be your authentic self with this person. It makes you want to be a better person.
你覺得父女之間的愛應該是什麼？可以形容一下？你最欣賞的一種愛？
Part mentor part friend. Parental love is about providing a safety net and safe haven so our children can feel secure to pursue their own dream. It’s never about playing the guilt card. I don’t expect my children to live my dreams.
你和你自己or另一半or父母or姊妹or朋友（選擇其一即可）之間，你感受最深刻的愛？
Family members are bound by genetic code sharing. Love is about choice, about whom you consciously choose to commit to.
你什麼時候開始發現愛的重要、愛對你自己來說的意義？
After I’ve accumulated some life experiences and became aware of my own mortality, only then I started to appreciate love more. Mature love is the trend now because divorce is more common and we live longer. Love is just as essential for mature people as young people.
關於分享愛，你感受最深的體會是…？
The more you give, the more you have.
In Chinese culture, expressed love is not considered as divine as unspoken love. Contrarily to this, I believe it is crucial to express our love. Saying “I love you” is good but we need to take it a step further to also express our gratitude.
Please say “Thank you for loving me” to your loved one today.
Dear Lily:
How to broaden our survival instinct to a big circle of inter-related, inter-dependent ecosystem is a big challenge for human being as a species?
Thanks.
Ping
事實上
求生的本能的確是最重要的
Dear Lily:
Actually, Nonzero is also a philosophy for self preservation.
Ultimately, all things we do is motivated by self interest. We just have a learned broader self than the narrowed self driven by fear and survival instinct.
Ping
朱平先生
無條件的付出給另一個把人類利益放在前方的人
絕對不是呼著完美口號而已
因為付出者的利益是包含在人類的利益中
這個概念與朱平所提倡的非零理論十分相似
Lily
Dear 洋梨:
I have no problem if there is no expectation of return to the love you give out.
I just want to remind people you know exactly why you do the thing you do.
This is why I always ecourage people to make stranger’s day. There is no expectation of return, except this act of kindness had also made your day.
Yes, I do mean the romantic love on my previous comments. 🙂
Be true to you,
Ping
親愛的朱平先生:
我想你可能忽略了”毫無條件的付出”之後的四個句子
這個付出的對象
是絕不可能只考慮到自己
我今天參加一個 baby shower party
在其中我看到了老闆為員工的付出
(老闆在自己家裏辦的 二十幾人的食物飲料)
同事之間的付出
(幫忙處理細節雜事)
甚至同學之間
(互相car pool 在冗長的party time還要照顧年幼的嬰兒和買禮物等等)
坦白講
我真的看不出條件在哪兒
這些原因全都因為
他們認為所付出的這個人是值得的
大家都會彼此互相關懷吧
還是朱平先生講的愛
只限定在romantic love呢?
但即便是浪漫的愛
我想條件還是一樣的
煩請不吝指教
洋梨
Dear 洋梨:
We all have our own definition of a true love.
The only true love will come when you are authentic to your true feeling.
I never like the idea of unconditional love. Love is always a two way traffic. If you want to give, give without expectation of any return. If you live your life under this realization, you will not have bitterness in life.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am sure one day you will find your true love.
Love,
Ping
愛是甚麼
愛是當你遇到意亂情迷的另一半
願意付出你的身心靈
毫無條件的付出
因為他值得
他也許有銳利的眼光或聰明的頭腦
把這些力量貢獻給人類
這時你把他的利益擺在自己利益之上
然後
你們有了孩子
兩個人的重心與思維
都放在小孩身上
這時人類的利益凌駕在兩人共同利益之上
我以為把人類利益放在前方的人
是最有可能享受完美愛情的人
Dear 荷光:
Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
As Buddha told us: life is impermanent. All we can do is to embrace the uncertainty with curiosity.
I think you and I need to learn how to maintain the integrity of our behavior and mind. It is this discourse that cause lots of pain and sorrow. It is my learning that authentic happiness can only come from an authentic self.
Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Let’s work on this discipline together.
Ping
結婚時候，將保單的受益人改成了另一半。〈原來受益人是父親〉
如此為，態度上認知兩人婚姻是需要買個保單保護對方的，因為無常。
行為上看來似乎還是挺傳統的女性，雖然在創作方面態度是前衛的。
看了「要愛，就必須承擔風險…..」思索這裡面深層的意義，體會。
人，活著的風險並不只有一種，也只能盡力保護這份‘愛’
風險的沉重來自於自己的內心，或許是還學不會放下吧！
工作不順許多年，去前保險費開始停繳，保險公司陸續寄來權益受損情況說明，
這時我才靜心下來思索…「人生不可能沒有風險，而誰也不能保障誰。」
躲過了自己能計畫的無常，卻躲不了世界狀態的無常，不是嗎？
要愛，就必須承擔風險，甘之如飴。
Dear Viva:
Thank you for sharing your inner thought with us.
I respect how you think about the romantic love. With my limited experience, I strongly recommend you to be authentic to yourself first, not the loved one. You should always be true to you, not to please your love one. No one deserves the love that requires your being not who you are. True love will let you be who you are with no reservation. It is this extremism that causes lots of pain, not to yourself but also to your love one.
Please keep your independent spirit and not yield to pleasing anyone. One sided love will never last.
I don’t care too much about your love to your friends. True friends will never ask you to do things you don’t feel comfortable with.
You do need to work on your relationship with your parents though. Please remember that it is a blessing that you have parent to love. I lost my father long time ago so I really did not know my father at all. I do live with my mom now. I can feel her unconditional love to me even she is always nagging on trivial things. It is the only way she knew how to show her love sometime.
Please check up this blog on how to deal with the unbearable weight of parental love. 🙂
Home work: Please tell your parent this: Thank you for loving me.
Hugs,
Ping
愛 對我來說大過一切可能.尤其是情侶間的愛，或許沒有安全感的關係，很容易因為一個細節讓自己陷入迂迴的狀態.為了愛，我可以真的放棄一切，傻到連朋友、家人、工作都可以幾近瘋狂地拋在腦後。
我願意為愛情承擔多少風險:100%,幾近極端地付出。
朋友間的愛我也是全心全意地對待著，有時候是大家的垃圾桶有時候是大家的談心夥伴，可是卻比不上我心中愛情的地位，我的好友也都知道，當我離開時就是想要一個人好地靜一靜，我會很快地恢復也會很快地回到大家身邊。
我願意為友愛承擔多少風險:不一定,看事情,也看程度。
家人的愛對我而言，它是一種基礎，也是一種我沒辦法去面對的愛，傳統觀念的束縛嚷我常與家人保持距離，父母想要的我卻無法給予，那種對我的期待進而轉變我對他們的冷漠，我們都很好,只是比次都有一種走不進的世界。
我願意為親情的愛承擔多少風險:盡量去做到一點愧疚感也沒有。
Dear Kimmy:
Congratulation to you for taking the initiative to write this homework report.
I used to tell people that one of the important traits in any entrepreneur is the ability to take initiative. If you seldom take matter in your hands and start to do something that is required, you should know you are really not so suitable to become an entrepreneur.
I know you miss your father. It is a very healthy thing to keep re-visit the treasure moments you had with your father. Your father has become you mentor in your mind.
You never feel alone. I am envious of you to have such a strong memory with your father. I have very faint memories of my father. He passed away before I matured enough to appreciate him.
Kimmy, you are very lucky to have such a strong family bond. In order to have something, you have to share this thing with someone else. By sharing your luck with other people, you will create more luck in the future too.
By the way, you just got yourself an A+ for this homework. 🙂
Give love,
Ping
Dear 朱平先生
看到ICB裡的回家作業 所以上來寫作業。（哈）
我記得 上大學以後
每年的生日願望第二個一定都是祝身邊所有愛我以及我愛的人、平安健康快樂。
（因為大學生的第一個願望要幫大家祈禱all pass ）
對我來說 愛是種一直可以讓我refill的能量 是我的港口 我的支柱
愛來自至親 手足 親密的好友 或甚至一面之緣的陌生人 都會有不同的愛betweens us
你提到父女之愛～
讓我想起小六時離開我們先到天上去的老爸！
常常回想起來 會覺得 我們之間只有十幾年的緣份 有點短 （哈）
但是 我知道他給了我完整的愛 他讓我變成現在的Kimmy
在小時候 對我來說 最給我信心的親人 最聽懂我話的好友 最嚴厲對我言行教養的
都是我老爸。
對他嚴格態度敬畏的同時 我知道 在我達成或是努力得到肯定時
他給我的鼓掌都是最大聲的 也最驕傲 🙂
這些觀念一直影響到我現在 不管是個性 態度 價值觀等等
老媽常說整個遺傳到我老爸(哈) 同個模子印出來的
每當我遇到困難挫折或是沮喪時 無法以一貫自我解決的辦法來克服時
我就會回想我腦海中的老爸 想他遇到這件事 他會怎麼說？怎麼做？甚麼態度？
我想他是我一輩子的mentor 🙂
愛對我來說很重要。
雖然還沒有轟轟烈烈的戀愛。
但是與家人間那種依存的關係 對彼此關心尊重的感覺 一直對我來說都是超重要
我知道家人是不管我在地球上的甚麼地方 不管我現在的成就 我的環境如何
always side with me 🙂
一路求學都十分順遂的我
在前年遇到最大的困境（當然現在回頭看 都是piece of cake ）
當時在國外實習的我 一度以為隔天太陽不會在東昇 地球不會在自轉
當時播了通電話給在台灣的老媽
我想當時她的失望一定是有的 但是她只輕聲地問我吃晚餐沒？問我難不難過？問我還好嘛？然後一向在朋友面前幾乎沒哭過的我 眼淚就直接莫名潰堤
弟弟們 順口揶揄我兩句 就讓我把整個難過的情緒都丟開了 就像嘔出來一樣暢快
對於分享愛
我覺得給的越多 得到越多。
不是刻意的給 不是有壓力地給 不是矯情偽善地給
是能力所及 心甘情願 發自內心的那種給
然後 當我從他人（家人 另一半 友人 甚至今天剛見第一次面的陌生人）得到一樣的溫暖時。我就會深深覺得 : 擁有愛這種情緒 理解這種情緒 可以分享這樣的情緒的我
無比幸福。
🙂
謝謝朱平先生一直在傳遞很多很棒的想法。
我受益很多
love
Kimmy
Dear Aleaf:
Thank you for such a heartfelt comments. The more I read your words, the more I was touched. You made my day.
Yes, I total agree with you.
People mistaken taking risk as a blind faith and naivete. You need to know that the other party is authentic with the same value system and life philosophy before you taking the risk for the uncertainty.
People change when the circumstances change. We all change. This is why we need to take risk if the change is one side.
You are absolute right that it takes wisdom to see the difference between taking risk and being stupidity.
Well, the essence of taking risk is to remind people that we should never regret for what we have experienced. In your case, you should keep all the happy memories you had with your ex boy friend. After all, you did spend part of your life with him. You should not dwell in the self pity or even worse, cynical attitude toward future romantic relationship. There is no lose in our life. We always learn something and wiser with our every decision.
I guess this is how we have wisdom.
Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to me.
Love,
Ping
Dear 朱平先生,
記得第一次寫信給您,
是想要得到您手上Randy Pausch的演講稿的逐字稿,
那是好久以前了…
但是我相信有內涵的人,
不論時間過再久,分享的東西依舊震撼人心,並且會激起反思的漣漪,
您的文章,總讓我覺得我們的生活是可以更有質感和深度!
要愛, 就必須承擔風險…
一句讓我思緒泉湧的話,我記得”他”也曾經對我說過相同的話.
今年初和在一起才半年多的他分手,原因不在此詳述,
但卻也讓年近30的我,開始正是什麼才是真正的愛?!
以男女之愛來說,年輕的我總覺得心靈交流勝餘一切,於是只要覺得對方懂我,就不計較的為對方付出一切,不公平’大家都反對的,甚或明眼人一看就知道不適合的,我也是一頭栽進去,沒有一點遲疑或退縮.從不謹慎評估對方的為人’學歷’家庭等等.雖然很多人覺得談感情看那麼多東西很市儈(當初的我也是如此),但卻忘記這些東西的匹配是日後感情穩固基礎中很大的一個原因.由於許多生長環境’文化和價值觀的相同,摩擦不知不覺的減少,彼此也才不用花許多無謂的力氣取改變一些不可能改變的不同,生活的經營也才能更有品質’更有方向.
愛是必須承擔風險的!
怕受傷,只願接受不願付出的,不能算是真愛;
總是帶個面具,不敢以真我和對方坦誠相見的,不算是真愛;
總要對方帶個面具滿足自己心中所想的,那也不能算是真愛.
愛 必須承擔風險!
必須有勇氣剖開自己讓對方了解,
必須有膽量接受對方並不是想像中的完美,
必須有那個廣度讓對方和自己呈現最真實的本貌.
但…
我覺得最重要最重要的是,
愛必須有智慧!
有智慧的選擇愛的對象,
有智慧的學習經營,
有智慧的接受付出.
愛必須承擔風險,
但是沒有智慧,
承擔再大的風險也只是愚昧~
您覺得呢?
再次謝謝您為這個社會可以更美好的付出.
Aleaf
Dear Yi-Ping:
What a lovely note with wisdom and compassion!!
Thank you for making my day.
You are so right on your comment. The challenge is that it is easier to say it than to do it.
The hardest part is to get to know yourself through constantly self talk and invest time to be solitude. We all need to spend time to make friends with ourselves. Once you know yourself and build up the bigger picture about life, you will be ready to make yourself vulnerable and not to get hurt easily.
Life is a journey. If we find love, good for us. If we did not find love, life goes on. The point is never to make finding love as the only criteria to live a full life. If you can leave a legacy of enabling people to find their love or realize their dreams, you are no less than anyone who has found their soulmate.
However, to find love do need to take risk. This is why I said: feel the risk and do it anyway.
Thank you for loving me.
You are a very special girl.
Ping
Dear 朱平先生:
謝謝您的分享:
The more you give, the more you have.
Please say “Thank you for loving me” to your loved one today.
愛情,一種非理性的衝動.
因為有這種衝動,一切變得非常有趣.
有期待,有寂寞,有幸福,有心痛.
這一點點的累積,說穿了,都是生活經驗.
不存在的女兒這本書終有一段話:你逃過了很多心痛，但你也錯過了無數的喜樂.
應該也可拿來解是愛情吧.
愛情,是兩面刃.
因怕痛怕受傷害,而不敢去愛的話,便不能體會愛的美好.
與其怕痛不敢愛,不如痛痛快快愛一回.
回憶裡,會是那個閃閃發光的愛情.
本期雜誌上也記載了Randy Pausch說的:他從不對他已做過的事後悔,他只對他沒有做過的事後悔.
所以,我要力行:say “Thank you for loving me” to my loved one today.
再次謝謝朱平先生的分享.
祝福事事順心,天天快樂
yi-ping
Dear Amanda:
After reading your comments, I have to say that you are offering us the wisdom that we all know but seldom practice. However, your words will have a profound impact on people who are ready, like your friends, and are willing.
It is hard to fall in love yet it is even harder when we fall out of love. It is usually a miserable and horrible moment to realize that you are losing it. Yes, true love needs to be worked on constantly and should never be taken for granted.
It is usually difficult to pin point who is at fault. It takes two to tango. When people fall apart or grow apart ( excuses or not ), the fact that love is never a one way street will tell us that we simply cannot hold on because it is the other party’s fault.
The real lesson for all of us is how to make a complete closure with the love that has changed, and move on with our life. All your loved ones should be your lifelong friends. After all, you two have had so many wonderful memories and was loved by each other once.
This is why I said this. Love is taking risk, feel the risk and do it anyway.
Ping
Dear 朱平先生：
非常感謝您無私的分享好的觀念與美的事物 ~
因為您的分享, 讓我們能用更寬廣的角度, 學習用更寬容的心,
去看/去對待週遭的事物. 真的很棒, 謝謝您 ~
看了您發表的 “要愛，就必須承擔風險” 真的是心有戚戚焉 ~
前一陣子朋友遭遇感情上的不順與工作上的挫折, 我寫了以下感想與她分享與共勉之. 也希望能以此與大家分享 (雖然我不善於文辭表達)~
兩個獨立個體決定要在一起前, 本來彼此就有一堆自己人生的課題等待自己去面對與處理. 所以二個人在一起, 是一種學習, 學習如何愛與給予, 體貼包容, 及諒解對方 ~
要不要在一起, 不是重點, 因為一個人要比兩人共處簡單容易很多.
而是要端看彼此是否下定決心願意為對方做出愛的付出及自己是否真要有愛的學習. 學習是困難的, 特別是學習與自己以外的人相處 (有時自己跟自己都不好相處, 何況是跟別人).
而相處的過程中, 吵架是最簡單的方式,去表達心中的不滿與憤怒.
但這中間少了一些, 透過學習愛與給予, 體貼包容, 及諒解對方, 而給予自己成長的機會. 因此彼此又回到原點, 只想到自己, 而忽略了對方, 更放棄了彼此共同學習成長的機會. 這就是為什麼現代男女之間的關係如此困難的維繫, 因為這中間少了”愛的真諦”.
人生的幸福與快樂都是掌握在自己手裡, 它是無法靠任何人給予的, 因為那是一種自心的期待與感受. 只有讓自心能不斷的精進與學習,
它就會充滿自信與勇氣, 這時才能擁有真正的幸福與快樂.
聖嚴法師說 : 遇到問題時要 面對它, 接受它, 處理它, 放下它 ~
我覺得它是很棒精進自心的方法, 也是面對問題時的真理
所以每當自己遇到困惑與困擾時, 我總反覆的想它來鼓勵自己,
給自己加油打氣. 我總是相信真理會帶給我們智慧渡過人生課題,
願以此分享和共勉之 ~
Dear Pinky:
Wow, I never thought that there will be people I know who would read 鹽寮二十年特刊. I have been 鹽寮 for three times and got to know Mr. O very well. He is still my hero even we have chosen different ways to make Taiwan a better place. I went to 鹽寮 almost 20 years ago when I just got back to Taiwan in 1988. I knew my experience in 鹽寮 would always have a special place in my heart.
Now, you are also offering our young generation new way to see the world and live a life of our choice.
Thank you for being a role model for many young people.
Ping
Dear Ping:
I have just read your note on 鹽寮二十年特刊 before I got your mail today.What a incoinstance~
Thanks for your sharing love on blog and business and everything…..
Keep going on together~
Pinky
Dear Aven:
You are a very good writer. Please keep writing. Writing is the best way to sharpen your intellectual insight with emotional catharsis. You will find the inner calm through writing too. I always admire people who can write poetic and powerful words.
I am so glad we can meet here and continue our learning in life.
I am glad that we create a common memory that no one can ever take away from us. 🙂
Your father is a wise man. Only people who have loved and been loved know what love means. Love is not something you can learn from books or teachings. This is why sometime I doubt if a young monk can ever know the suffering or blissfulness in a romantic love. 🙂
Love is something you have to experience. Aven, I just know that one day you will find your soulmate too. I kept reminding people that life is a No-Lose proposition. All we need to know is that we give love with positive energy, not the negative energy. ( obsessive, jealous, fear of losing, control, defensive, exclusive, conditonal, insecure, inferiority complex driven, or any other toxic emotion. )
Love never fails you. Even if you have a bad ending, you still should treasure the good memories your have. People move on. Life moves on. You also should move on.
No one can guarantee a fairy tale ending.
This is why I said:
Love is taking risk. Feel the risk and do it anyway.
Be brave,
Ping
Dear朱平先生：
看到這篇就讓我想起我爸爸說的，沒有悲傷的地方也沒有愛。小時候被保護得很好，學校也告訴我們不要隨便相信別人，因此學會套上一個又一個的面具，久了便彷彿戴上面具才是自己。把自己掩藏在面具底下，忘了自己最原本的模樣。我們笑，因為該笑；哭，因為該哭，這樣的生活沒有傷害，可是也沒有快樂。我說，如果不受傷、不跌倒的代價，是不能發自內心的微笑、不能接受到人跟人之間最簡單的快樂跟感動的話，那我寧願哭死、痛死。
有些人怕付出後受傷，所以不敢愛。記得那時候去跑步的時候，把包包交給那位朋友，如果只是在心理面猜測她會拒絕，那我永遠也不會知道原來互相信任是這麼的簡單!所以不要想那麼多吧!不要想付出了多少有沒有回報。如果不要把付出與獲得當作算式，那麼”去愛”本身就是一種幸福，不管有回報、沒有會報，都是一種幸福。這樣我們會比較知足吧!
有人說，人生是一條繩索，如果我們能優雅的走在上面，要面路微笑，要感激生命給予這麼多。我想如果我們知足，那麼就算一不小心被它絆倒，跌了、哭了，爬起來上路時，我們一定還是能微笑的感謝生命，一樣給了我們很大很大的快樂!!
朱平先生的分享總是讓人充滿想法、充滿共鳴阿~呵!
Love
Aven
Dear Nella:
What a kind gesture you gave to all our friends here.
Yes, I know there are only 1% of the readers here who made the comments when they are ready. Most of them are our silent friends who connect with us in their own way.
Nella, it is the comments that you and many dear friends posted here that has replenished my energy and spirit.
I never like the notion that to love someone is to let go of yourself. Once you lose the independent spirit, you lose the unique self that attacted your lover in the first place.
Please take care of yourself and drop in anytime.
You always have friends here.
Ping
Dear Freda:
Thanks for sharing. Actually, I was talking about romantic love too. 🙂
Thanks for your sharing. You are so right again.
Ping
Dear Ping,
Happy New Year!
Did u remember me.. the one who has emailed you long time ago?! mm…. I am now on the way of making my dream come true. I would like to thank u for ur sharing which always inspires me and makes me motivated…. checking ur blog, reading what u posted and introducing you/ur thoughts to people i know becomes my habit… …. an enjoyable thing
this is my first time to post my comment here…^^
this topic reminds me of what my university professor has asked the students
愛是給對方你所擁有的? 還是給對方你所沒有的?
through time, i have ever varied the answer…. Now, I agree both statements, but i think we need to keep ourself when we are giving what we don’t have….
like what you said ~ “Love is to be able to be your authentic self with this person. It makes you want to be a better person.”
Best wishes to you, to ur family, and to everyone.
Love is to give and not expecting reward.
Love is happy for the happy ones and sorry for the mournful.
Love is fear not.
Love is to be responsible.
Love is to do the right thing.