我女兒Candice是《慾望城市》（Sex and the city）的死忠粉絲。也謝謝 她在Sex and the city尚未成為社會文化現象時介紹我認識了它。從此我也就愛上了這部影集。我也曾跟許多年輕人說，要學習現代的生活英文，Sex and the city 是最好的教材。為了學英文而看Sex and the city 是多麼好的藉口。
Sex sells. Vanity sells. Fashion sells. 但Sex and the city的成功卻是它代表了一群獨立，自主，有智慧，有勇氣做真實自己的大都會區新女性的生活態度。它真正的主軸其實仍然是愛情與友情。
做真實的自己（Authenticity）
這次Sex and the city的故事雖然是標準的Hollywood公式，我仍然很高興看到西方文化對如何做一個真實的自己的態度及方法：
1. Mr Big如何忠於自己對婚禮的堅持及內心的恐懼？
2. Carrie為何最後發現到自己的不是？
3. Steve為甚麼要說出自己不忠的行為？
4. Miranda為何堅持要告訴Carrie她的失言及內心的不安？
5. Samantha 最後仍然要做真實的自己？
6. Smith如何成熟的坦然接受Samantha的決定？
7. Charlotte對Carrie的保護是個幫助還是阻礙？
很高興看到?部?影對老化 (aging) 的坦然面對.譬如Carrie 不得不接受要用老花眼鏡，Samantha 的50歲生日。。。
愛是願意原諒，也是願意承擔風險，因為沒有任何人能夠保證未來的任何事。只有願意承擔風險，才能繼續往前走(move on), 也就會有無限的可能出現。
歡迎喜歡Sex and the city的影迷留言，在此跟我分享你的個人獨特觀點及感想。
Dear Yolanda:
First, I want to congratulate you that you are the few ( 8 out of 43 students ) have either written me an email or left comments on my blog. I am kind of disappointed that not many of your classmates taking action, instead of just being inspired.
I am impressed that you are willing to search my old writings on Sex and the City. I hope you had read all the comments here so you will come up with your own answers.
1. Taiwan’s men, basically, are a bunch of boring people. I will put the blame on our culture. We have put a straight jacket for male since childhood. If a boy likes to dress neat or likes beautiful things ( materialistic or conceptual ), we will consider the boy as weird, abnormal, vanity driven and not dependable with no future to do great thing. Just take a close look on all the personal growth movement or workshop/講座 in Taiwan, you seldom see man there. Where are our men? Luckily, I see a new generation of young men who are more assertive with their inclination and fashion statement. Hopefully, we will see more young men with manners and pay more attention on their fashion statement. ( The world favors those who look neat with good first impression, especially, in a flat world with service/design industry and aesthetic intelligence on the rise. Did you see more handsome Koreans and Japanese young men lately? They are changing with their lifestyle so they can create more ” lifestyle oriented ” new high tech gears or lifestyle products. We will stuck in the engineering mindset products. Let’s face it. Taiwan men are really boring. ( 恨鐵不成鋼) Have you seen any good looking and fashionable politicians in our society? How can you expect them to build a beautiful city with creative lifestyle for our future citizens. Have you been Paris or Denmark? Every men dressed neat with style.
2. Taiwanese men have no idea of being authentic to themselves. Most of Taiwanese men are still kids. This is why they are boring and lack of curiosity to things that they don’t know. Well, as I said before, I still have hope for our younger generation men. This is why I wrote my book with them in mind, not those people who have stuck in the old value and are afraid of showing their feminine side with vulnerability and sensitivity.
This is why I wrote in my book that man need to learn from woman.
Thanks for visiting this old blog.
You must be a special lady.
Ping
朱平先生您好!
我是台大創創學程第五屆的學生:)
上個禮拜聽了您的演講, 收穫甚多, 為了完成和朱先生的承諾，便在這有些回饋!
其實在朱先生的書裡也有提到些許兩性的議題（譬如男人應當和女人多學學美學價值觀等），身為一個「女孩」，尚未出社會對於男人女人在社會上的定位尚不是感受那麼深刻，有點好奇為什麼此篇標題會針對「男人」拋出這樣的問題呢？這些Sex and the City所提出的議題若是在男人身上會有什麼樣不同的化學變化呢？抑或是這些議題（譬如做真實的自己）壓根不會發生在男人身上:P？
Dear Lily:
Love is feel the risk and do it anyway.
Ping
我們都希望有一個可以接受真實的自己的soul mate
卻很少靜下心來仔細思考
比方說 自己所表現出的真實到達了甚麼程度 或未來甚麼時候會做甚麼樣的改變
更難的一點 是否做好準備接受真實的對方
但當你成功的建立與自己的關係時 這些條件說便不存在了
接受真實的對方或自己成為最基本的需求
然後可以去挑戰更具挑戰性的 看看愛還可以到達怎樣的極限
Dear Lily:
As you know I have been busy lately.
Don’t let anyone influence you too much. You can always be inspired by what you read, heard or saw. It is a deep philosophy and require a certain degree of maturity to understand this meaning. It is not to be interpreted as arogant or self righteous. It means that we are all equal as living being. Only throught the free and equal spirit, we can be free from the autority or dogmatic conformity.
People who don’t write comments did not mean they did not connect with us. Whatever we do is for those people who are ready and willing to connect with positive attitude.
I always encourage people to write commments though. It is my belief that through engagement in life actively, you will learm more and attain happiness. Happiness is from an engaged life.
Thank you for joining this philosophical discusson. Again, we are not here to change anyone. Only people who want to change can change.
Love,
Ping
更正:應為聖嚴師父
後記
我寫的這篇回應完全是我個人的體驗
目的希望讓經歷同樣經驗的人
有一個前例參考
(如果有需要 我也願意更詳細的描述)
另外碰到有同樣問題發生的人
也試著理解他
我獨自在困頓中思索了許多年
誠如朱平講的
在追求真理的路上
大家做個伴吧
證嚴師父是我所敬重的一位宗教家
他在法鼓山成立時說的話讓我映像深刻
“我都這麼大年齡了
要把生命投注在這法鼓山
我敲的法鼓大概不會太響
但是是用我的生命在敲鼓”
我的這些回應
更是渺小的不堪一提
但每一篇都有用心寫
其中兩篇甚至還發現收到自我療癒的功能
這是其中一篇
希望大家可以一起討論
畢竟我們在相同的大環境裏成長
朱平:
我以為我們在前面對SATC的議題討論已達到共識
你所說的我們在很年輕時就學過論語
禮義廉恥 忠孝仁義
可悲的是
那完全不是我們自己的選擇
卻在不知不覺中變成虛偽
如果我不是”德不孤 必有鄰”或”不遷怒 不貳過”
而勉強去做
那我離”誠實做自己”的路就越來越遠
因為要求這些善良的行為
然後在我體內的惡無從發揮
只好發在他人身上
對他人更加要求
弔詭的是
如果真是這樣
同時反映著我也不會輕易原諒自己
對於論語 部分宗教或有些學說
我一直把這類有著完美理想的理論
抱持戒慎恐懼的態度
期盼大家多多從不同角度思考
Just be honest with yourself,
楊莉莉
Dear 洋梨:
Yes, you are right on.
One of my purposes to have this blog is to find an excuse to connect with people who are ready to leap with faith joining this tribe, either as a most loyal silent partner or a co-creator of this blog.
I really want to see more connection among all readers. Now, it is still two ways dialogue. Some one made a comment and I responded.
As you said so well that one single philosophy for life is dangerous. Please help me to respond if you feel you have something to share on someone else comments. I welcome this horizontal dialogue as long as it is not mean spirit or lack of decency.
Empathy is a term we all learned when we are young in 倫語, however, we never really intentionally practice in our daily life, especially, when we don’t agree with someone’s point.
It is an uphill battle when you try to inspire people to be kind to the mistake people committed and not too self righteous. We should learn not to judge people and lump sum people as a habitual criminal. Most ot the time, people just made a bad or stupid decision.
Thank you, 洋梨, for being a friend to me.
Ping
我在今年二月份回到台灣
想去學學文創上課
發現了朱平老師
看了他的部落格後
決定去上三月二十七號的課
可是那天剛好是我要去參加一個重要的婚宴
心裏非常失望
後來去了肯夢的為潔淨水而走
這是我怎麼認識朱老師的
朱平老師對我的影響蠻大
像是寫回應吧
我得從頭學起一個一個注音慢慢找堆砌出來的
其實不容易
但他誠摯的回答和開放的胸懷
往往讓我有繼續寫的動力
南瓜的這篇是在台灣時做的回應
回到溫哥華
打了自己中文名字
卻跑出洋梨來
之所以補第二篇
是感到提倡單一理論的危險性
但個人存在 對自己的認知還是所有的基礎
很抱歉寫得零零落落
期許自己多一點經驗後能進步一些
謝謝朱平老師提供了這個空間
他說要我把這當作自己的部落格
我也就老實不客氣地接受了
Dear 洋梨:
I think you are right.
As you may know that I never claim I am an expert of anything. I just want to share my thoughts with my friends here. It only serves as a way to connect with you all.
I do think there are lots of sufferings in the bad management of our relationship due to our lack of interest in studying how westerners handle relationship.
I wish one day I can be like 老莊. Again, coming to think it again, I don’t think I want to be 老莊. I accept that I am imperfect, even though I want to be a better person every day.
I am passionate with life and all the new possibilty that life can bring to us. It is this belief that I live an engaged life so far.
Happiness exists in action with a higher purpse.
It is so nice of you to read my old writings in this blog and start an intelligent conversation here.
Love,
Ping
親愛的朱平先生:
我以為SATC是個人的存在主義
個人存在主義是以個人的利益考量為出發點
比較符合西方的思考邏輯
但卻忽略他人的存在
它所指向的真正意圖是個人對他人動態變證態度下的意義
這也就是為甚麼
我在回應”要愛,就必須承擔風險”和百分之一哲學時
所強調把人類利益放在前面的意圖
另外,我也認為在學習西方心理科學之際
我們可能忽略東方同樣博大精深的道家老莊學說
希望有一天這些融會貫通的東西學說
能創造出來
夜安,
洋梨
Dear Pumpkin:
I am no Benjamin Zander. However, it is a great honor to be in his league. 🙂
Thank you for your kind words.
Actually, you are contributing this blog with your regular visits and comments you made.
It is your blog as well as mine. We are all here to creage this space so we don’t feel alone in our truth seeking journey.
Love,
Ping
Master Ping:
I do have shining eyes.
Thank you for all those things you have done.You are contributing my life with your blog.
Keep on being a good conductor,
Pumkin
Dear Pumpkin:
Actually, I really don’t mind people’s criticism on SATC. I also never want to defend SATC or change these people’s negative comments on SATC.
Please note the titel of this blog. Hey, man, have you seen SATC? I challege Taiwanese man to re-examine their so call manhood. We have a failed generation of men in Taiwan who care less about their inner child or vulnerablility.
I am hoping the new generation men will recognize this femininity side of all men.
Thank you for sharing your insight about this movei. I am all for it.
Thank you for taking time to read my old blog. This is how we connect through your initiative to get to know me through my old blog. All this blog is timeless, at least to me. You are contributing this blog with this sharing.
Shining eyes,
Ping
其實整個影片所談的就是心理學的議題
因為誠實面對自己與做自己是保持心理健康最重要的途徑
但即便是盡全力的努力
也很難全面地認識自我
只能在每天有新的認知下不斷修正對自己的了解
我想善於掩飾自己的人
從小到大
一定因為掩飾自己而不停的獲得好處
如果利益減少時
他們極可能會修正掩飾的不夠好的地方
SATC對他們的影響恐怕非常有限
反面來說
劇中人物的行為恐怕恰好成為他們批評的目標